Once upon a time, I was in a deep, dark place.
It was completely self-imposed.
I loved a girl. She gave me the world’s greatest kids.
But I was a dick. So she ran away with them. Good on her.
It fucking huuuuuuuuurt though.
It almost did me in.
It took me so low, I almost did myself in. I wasn’t quite suicidal. My mind can play that game—consider it. But honestly, I don’t think I’m brave enough to kill myself.
Rather, I just didn’t move.
I made self sabotage my life’s work. I became a master. I put in my 10,000 hours. I was so good at doing nothing that you might see me and think “Wow, looks like Zach has found what God put him on this Earth to do.”
Really. It was bad.
I watched the first 6 seasons of Game of Thrones in a week. My inner shit-talker will never let me live that one down.
Sometimes, that inner voice speaks in the voice of one of my…
Real-Life Spirit Guides
A spirit guide, in western spiritualism, is an entity that remains as a disincarnate spirit to act as a guide or protector to a living incarnated human being.
Basically, a spirit guide is like a guardian angel. Instead of an angel, it may be an ancestor or an avatar like Jesus. They supposedly help inform your intuition and coordinate your life path.
That’s not what I’m talking about.
I’m talking about two dudes that came into my life at the right time. Together, they pulled my thumb out of my mouth and got me off my ass.
One taught me that the good things were coming.
The other taught me that everything is my fault.
Together, they saved me.
I am eternally grateful for both their messages and their timing. It seems like something on the other side might have been looking out for me.
But they spoke through beautiful spirits on this side.
Nahko & Medicine for My Soul
I have an amazing friend named Alex.
One day he posed a question on Facebook.
It was something along the lines of, “Does anyone know of any music like Nahko and Medicine for the People?”
I proceeded to look up who that was.
Not long after, I had this album on repeat.
Eventually, it was this song that really made the difference:
Play that song. I dare you not to become more optimistic. It might go away if you only play it once.
So use it to brainwash yourself.
That’s exactly what I did.
Eventually, I began to believe in the “good things coming.” To keep it 💯, it also coincided with a new crush. Though it didn’t work out, it helped me work on my ‘nuffness (Thanks Vishen). I think I thought no woman could ever love me after I lost my family. I’m not quite sure.
It was just a general fog of self worthlessness.
I call them the “lost months” now. There were two or three of them. And I’ve lost another odd week or two here and there since.
Only now do I feel fully awake.
Nahko is responsible for a lot of it.
It wasn’t just Black as Night.
This song has been one of the most powerful forces in my life.
I feel like my Angels wrote it for me. It holds the title of “most cried to song” in my life. The lyrics touch on some many of my life’s themes.
But more than anything else:
Wash It Away helps me forgive.
And holy shit, did I need to forgive my life’s greatest love.
I felt betrayed. I felt wronged. I felt whatever words you want to put to it.
But it wasn’t healthy.
And it certainly wasn’t helpful either. Unresolved psychological pain literally inhibits your brain’s ability to enter higher brain wave states.
Forgiveness helps you think better. It may also help you jump higher.
It’s also one of the highest manifestations of unconditional love—the number one principle the best me lives by.
But that’s another conversation for another night.
I’ve always been good at that. Nahko just reminded me.
From there, someone else picked up the baton.
But first, let’s talk about how bad it got.
The Lost Months
Let’s just make this as embarrassing as possible.
I like a computer game called Shogun Total War.
It’s a strategy game, like the board game Risk but with live-action battles.
I have beaten this game every conceivable way. I don’t play online. I don’t care too and I don’t know why. But I have beaten the story countless times. That was before the “lost months.”
At some point point during the lost months, I alternated between Shogun and Slither.io for 12-16 hours of my day. I’d spend another 6-8 hours procrastinating on work I was supposed to be doing. I mean I tried. But I just never felt I could get anything done. Then, I’d sleep for a good 10-14 hours.
Yeah, That’s 28-38 hour days. I was in no way shape or form a normal human. Basically just a big ball of depression.
At some point, Shogun’s music became a special source of mania. I would hear it when I wasn’t playing. And it started making my brain feel funny when I was playing. Don’t ask me what that means. It was weird and I was a zombie anyway.
But I don’t like my brain feeling funny.
So I finally made a major change!
I muted Shogun’s music.
Still, it was my lucky break.
I don’t listen to mainstream music. And I hadn’t found all of my healing music yet.
So I started with some of my personal growth heavy hitters like Brendon Burchard. My brain was clearly smeared in 💩. Time to wash that thang.
Eventually, I migrated to Gary’s Channel and that was all she wrote.
Enter Gary Vee & The Daily Zee
I’m not too proud to say it.
Gary Vee is hero.
There’s a lot I could say about him. But this is about how he helped save my life.
Today, I’m great at SEO. At that point though, I was only a year in. It fits my talents but I was thinking about my business the wrong way. The goal was some cushy lifestyle dream. Hopefully, I could make a bunch of money real quick and retire so I could homeschool my kids. That’s a great dream.
But it’s not practical. And it contributed to my depression.
Fortunately, Gary Vee tapes his business life and produces a daily vlog, called DailyVee.
Rather, his team tapes him and produces it.
He runs a nine-figure social media marketing agency.
DailyVee gave me a peak of what that was really like. As such, my 20-hour computer game sprees became an education. I got to see the man go to work every single day.
The nature of the show makes it obvious real quick.
Gary works 16 hours a day. Early mornings and late nights were an every-episode thing there for awhile. They mix production up a little bit more now. I can see why. It’s probably more entertaining for most people. But what I saw two years ago was exactly what I needed.
It wasn’t just the work ethic though.
I got to see how Gary thinks about business. He got me thinking about 10, 20, 30 years down the road. He got me thinking about how rewarding it is to be a good boss. He got me thinking about a lot of things. He is also in a very related industry to what I do. If I wanted to run a 500+ marketing agency, my daily life would look much like his.
Plus, he’s a Scorpio—fellow self-awareness king.
He thinks SO much like me. And he’s got that Jersey style. Sometimes, I need somebody to cuss about me a little bit. It works for me. He helped me refocus on what I could control.
And it’s his voice that eventually helped me turn the games off and go back to work.
I Will Cry & There Will Be Hugs
I will meet both Nahko and Gary.
We may even become friends. I have a lot of love for them both.
And I owe them.
This post doesn’t nearly do it justice.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels that way. Maybe I’m the only one who feels so strongly about each. Two years later, it’s about time I’ve thanked them.
Since, my connection to them both has only become stronger. I anticipate that will only continue.
Nahko is still putting out music. Gary isn’t going to stop producing content anytime soon.
I’m grateful for that. I’m motivated to find a way to repay them
Maybe one of them will see this and I can begin making payments.
For this is a debt I will gladly pay.
Thanks for saving my life Nahko.
Thanks for saving my life Gary.
I love you guys.