The title is a great exercise.
But this is more than that.
This is the truth.
It’s the story of how my greatest pain became my greatest strength.
And it starts with a…
From the time I was 12…
I used to say:
“I could live in a cardboard box as long as I had my son and the woman I love.” I probably actually said “love of my life” more often than “woman I love.” But that’s what it meant to me.
Yeah, from 12. I dunno. Don’t ask me.
Well, maybe that’s not true.
I kinda get it:
I was two or three the last time I saw my dad.
Last year, I went through a hypnotherapy session by Marisa Peer that unlocked lot’s of childhood memories.
Now I see:
It’s like I wanted a son to prove to myself that a son was worth living for. I’m still wrapping my head around it.
But I also wanted to prove to my (single, absolutely amazing) mom that I could do a better job than she was doing.
I was 12. So of course I knew everything.
Needless to say:
Even considering fatherhood in middle school is insane.
But it wasn’t the only part of my little fantasy land. The woman was always essential. I’m definitely a hopeless romantic.
It’s no surprise that I have grown through love relationships more than anything else in my life.
I am the man I am today because of the women I chose to love.
I literally have the best taste. I picked some gems.
And I never fall out of love.
How could I anyway?
You might see where this thing is going.
But before we get to the (most emphatic) fall…
Let’s talk about the greatest moments of my life.
Because the fact is, I got my dream.
The Most Magical Births
I already know that I have lived the best moments of my life.
From here, I could only ever tie my all-time high.
And I’m not sure I’ll ever come close again.
But that’s ok with me.
For a man…
I believe delivering your own children is the:
- most powerful
- most spiritual
- most transformative
- most blessed
…experience you could ever have.
And that’s what I did.
There are no words.
I KNOW that I am highly favored somewhere. I have immeasurable gratitude for the things my sons’ first moments showed me. There are powerful, mysterious, and—yes—magical things in this world. I can promise you that. I saw them through the eyes of Tash and Atayo.
Again, there are no words.
There are no words.
There are no words.
But the higher you reach, the further you have to fall.
That’s the funny thing about love.
Love and Loss
It comes and it goes.
Will it still be here tomorrow?
Human love is quite imperfect. We are quixotic creatures, beholden to both heavenly and earthly forces. Mastin Kipp describes our bodies as a meat sack.
“Love” is powerful.
But so are hormones. So is the financial pressure of the world. And so are a lot of things that can get in the way of love.
Eventually, I lost my family.
It tore me up. It beat me down. It almost did me in.
Luckily, my Angels were looking out for me.
They helped heal my mind and give me hope.
But it was another skill that helped me make the worst thing the best thing.
It’s something people don’t realize is a skill.
Choosing My Beliefs
You have the ability to choose your beliefs.
Choose the most useful ones.
Vishen Lakhiani points to belief as one of the two “levers” that make us who we are. The other is habits. According to him, habits and belief systems are the two most important determinants of happiness and achievement—or something along those lines.
Here’s a quote from Einstein to drive the point home:
“The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.”
This is one of the most powerful quotes I have ever heard.
I decide to choose really useful beliefs.
Probably the most useful one I have:
I chose all pain, heartache, and challenge before I entered this life. I choose to believe that I hand-picked my own hardest moments for the growth of my own soul. I think that’s what we all do.
This framework incorporates reincarnation. I don’t really care whether it’s true. It helps me not only deal with, but embrace pain in life.
No one can say definitively say what awaits us on the other side.
So why not choose to the most empowering set of beliefs you can?
I once heard Carl Harvey say that he tries on beliefs like clothes. He only keeps what he likes.
It sounds a little out there when it comes to the bigger stuff.
But what if you tried these on:
I live in a friendly Universe.
Human beings are basically good.
I can ask my Angels/Jesus/Krishna/Allah for help.
Some of these might be hard for you. For me, the big stuff is really powerful. But I’ve always spent a lot of “time in the clouds.”
I think for most people though, beliefs about themselves is probably where to start.
Some of the most powerful self-beliefs I’ve found:
I believe I can get better everyday.
I believe I can achieve my goals despite challenges.
I believe I am in control of my life.
Or maybe you need to start with:
I can choose what to believe about myself, my life, and the world I live in.
I probably got a leg up. My favorite book as a child was The Little Engine That Could. Thus, I always think I can, think I can.
But try one on for a bit.
They might help you end a chapter that needs ending.
And on fresh pages, you can write your own story.
“I Have the Power to Make It So”
Learn the skill of choosing your beliefs and a new world might open up to you.
So let’s talk about good and bad.
Let’s talk about the worst becoming the best.
Firstly, for me:
Q: How could losing my family be the best thing that ever happened to me?
A: There is nothing in the world that could give me the level of motivation for achievement I have today. Nothing else could have broken me out of the cardbox box mentality. Personally, I can make myself content in just about any situation. That’s great for mental health. It’s not so great for personal achievement.
Secondly, for my kids:
Q: How could a “broken home” be best for sweet Tashy and Tayo?
A: By making it so. I wasted a lot of my time through the first quarter of my life. I learned a lot. But over the next thirty years, I am going to be a different animal. I’ve already lost over two years with my sons. I justify each day away by building something that will change all of our lives forever—their mother included.
Losing my family was the best thing that ever happened to all of us if I make it so.
And that I shall do. This is a promise to you. This is a promise to myself. This is a promise to my sons. This is a promise to her. This is a promise to the Angels that have given me this blessed understanding.
I will earn everything. And I will be grateful.
I am grateful for love. I am grateful for loss. I am grateful for cardboard boxes. And I am grateful for the day mine was stomped on.
I am grateful for the man it has made me. And I am grateful for the man I am becoming.
I am grateful for the worst thing that has ever happened to me, because it is also the best thing.
See you soon Tashiman, Atayochan.
Can’t fucking wait.